TONIO AND THE BLUE LIGHT

Entry No. 4

"Right on schedule," he thought. This is the time when his past-self would come scrambling in the office to start his chores. He remembered clearly the lack of sleep he had during those days. After selling newspapers, he would then become a janitor.

"Stupid boy," he thought. "Doesn't he know that all the things he worked so hard for would be gone in an instant?"

"What took him nearly ten years to save would be gone in a matter of seconds," he sighed.

While waiting for his past-self, Tonio begun to imagine the endless possibilities and opportunities that he can offer himself on that instant. Clutching the check inside the suit, he also checked the envelope he brought from the future. It took him a hard time to get what's inside that packet. He had to enter the city library, checking out old archives of newspapers.

Standing outside the door of the building, he couldn't help but reminisce on the moments of his life. Up to now, he still remembers Sonia. He can still recall her small lips, soft eyelashes, and eyes that spoke. Everything about her was beautiful. For the first time in years, he again felt the pain brought about by a love that never transpired.

Tonio managed not to say hi to the guard whom was his friend in the past. "He was such a nice man," he thought.

The guard was about twenty years older then him then. But looking at him right now, it felt funny seeing that he is himself is older than the guard. A few moments later, he saw himself walk in. Would the Tonio of the past recognize him, he thought. Maybe not. His right leg was limping and he had grown accustomed to wearing a beard. The white on his hair was quite evident and the sparkle in his eyes were now gone.

He stared at himself when he was young. He couldn't believe how time changes a man. The energy emanating from his past-self and the eagerness to pursue a dream was what he saw in him. If he did not know what would happen, he might have felt proud.

Tonio watched his young-self enter the building, say hi to the guard, and then run for the stairs. He felt compelled to say to his past-self not to run because someone left a ballpoint at the stairs where he would eventually slip. And the young Tonio did. He now remembered quite clearly that that was where he got his scar on the left side of the cheek.

Yes, he said to himself. This is all true. This is not just a dream. Dr. Gonzalo's time machine works. He was in the past. He could see himself. He could touch his youngTonio if he wanted to. For once in his life, he also felt he had control.

He decided to stroll the city for a few hours. He ate a restaurant he couldn't afford before. Dr. Gonzalo had indeed planned everything. He had stacks of old cash which he would later give to his past-self as well as with the check. He went to the mall and actually bought something. He went to most places he failed to see when he was young because he had no money. He felt free.

When it was almost seven o' clock in the evening, Tonio decided to go to the town plaza to see himself sell cigarettes and stuff. He sat near the waiting shed where he knew he would have a better view of his younger-self. A few minutes later, young Tonio arrived.

It's the same routinely things he did. Looking at himself working like a horse and thinking of the latter past of his life, he felt pity for himself. He almost cried if not for the people around him. The pain of the past kept springing-up and the ache he went through crept like a cold wind covering his body. Again, flashes from the past, his childhood, the orphanage, and up to the day he had an accident flooded him. He got up, went to the nearest hotel and felt his tear drop during the rest of the night.

"Tomorrow would be different," he promised.

After a restless night, Tonio decided that it was time to change his past. Today would be the day where he and his past life would finally reach their dreams. It was time to get the comforts out of life. It was also the time to change history.

Putting on the clothes he bought yesterday, he made his way through the same office building he first visited. He had a plan cooked up. He would tell his past-self that he was a long lost relative and that the purpose of his visit was to make up for the cruelty endowed him by his relatives. He would also give him the check worth a million pesos and do more than that. He would also give him the second envelope if chance would permit.

It was not that hard to do. He found himself curios and courteous at the same time. His past-self agreed to meet with him during the morning break. They went to a restaurant and told his past-self to order whatever it was that he wanted. He also showed him the check.

They later went to a bank. The disbelief in his young-self turned into deep gratitude. Tonio told young Tonio that he could do anything with the money. He also told him that he might want to get married and this would solve the issue regarding finance. He advised that he must at least learn some trade and encouraged young Tonio to study. In short, he told him everything he dreamt of when he was young.

The young Tonio, somewhat still bewildered by the events that transpired, offered him to stay. He said he'd take care of him and they could both enjoy the luxuries of life. He said he'd think about it and went back to the hotel.

It was another sleepless night. The offer made was a hard one to resist. After thinking that he'd go back to the same state he left in the future, he was really torn between going back where he'll forever remain poor. By the time the sun was setting, he went to the park to witness the blue light. It was his gate back to his own time.

At the park, he stared at the tree beside him while waiting. Then suddenly, a blue light appeared from nowhere. It was time.

As he was about to enter the portal, Tonio saw a bum not that far away. He was dressed in the same clothes that he had only it's too dirty. The bum looked like him. Suddenly, he was afraid. What if what he was seeing was his future? Would this be the same fate he would have? Maybe it was more than the fear of being left out in the streets, or the thought of forever enduring poverty that he stepped back. Tonio ran to the place where young Tonio lived. He forever missed the chance to go back to his own time.

QUESTION NO. 4

Define reality. . . . .

TONIO AND THE BLUE LIGHT

Entry No. 3

Because of the incidents, Tonio was more determined than ever to succeed. He took poverty as a curse that he must break free from. He worked doubly hard.

At four, he would have already waken-up to distribute newspapers at stalls. By six, he would walk to the office where he worked as a messenger and as a janitor. He would also sell candies and cigarettes at the basement floor to to augment his income. By 5 pm, he would then be selling aside, from candies, balut, penoy, and other native delicacies. On Saturdays and Sundays, he would take out garbage for the rich, act as a gardener, or take any odd jobs that he might find. By the time he was thirty, he had saved a decent amount of money to start a small sari-sari store that he thought his future wife could manage. Somehow, he felt secure.

However, whether it was fate that played dirty tricks on him or it really was a curse sent out to haunt him, his simple dream was extinguished in an instant. Selling cigarettes and balut and penoy one night, basket at hand, he did not notice a speeding car as he was about to cross a street. It him hard on the right leg. It almost crippled him. It was a beautiful luxury car, one that Tonio dreamt of owning one day. Luckily, someone saw the incident and rushed him to the hospital. It was Dr. Gonzalo, a scientist that would help him change his life forever.

Dr. Gonzalo did more than just save Tonio's life. His right leg was almost crushed. He now needs a splint for support to help him walk. The money he saved wasn't even enough to cover all the hospital bills. He was thirty, finding another job with his condition would prove to be very difficult.

Dr. Gonzalo came to the rescue. He offered Tonio a job doing household chores. He also shouldered the rest of the bills that he needed to pay.

The good doctor lived in a mansion beyond the outskirts of the city. Tonio later found out that Dr. Gonzalo was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He also learned that he was not a medical doctor but a physicist. On his house he has a lab, which he seemed to work on night and day. Inherently an academician, Dr. Gonzalo had devoted his life researching and discovering. Being super rich, he did not have to work at all. Plus, there were grants coming from different institutions that enabled him to work freely. Night and day, Tonio would hear weird noises coming from the lab.

Knowing very well his situation in life, Tonio tried to return the kindness the scientist have shown him. He served him loyally, making sure that his meals were hot, that his home was well kept, and that he was at his disposal if ever he needed him. A friendship found on servant and master was soon formed. Tonio was allowed to live with the doctor and was trusted with some of the secrets of the house.

During midnight, when Tonio would bring food to the lab, they were able to talk mostly about each other's lives. Most of the time, the scientist would tell him about the wonderful machine that he was working on. It was also on one of these talks that the scientist found out about the famished past he had, the way he worked hard to reach his dream, then falling over and over back again to poverty. He also told him about his being a volunteer orphan. When asked by Dr. Gonzalo what his greatest dream was, he said that it was to become rich. No matter what Tonio did, he could not help but entertain the thought of being more than well to do.

For almost twenty years, this has been the life of the two. The scientist devoted his life building this mysterious machine while Tonio served him faithfully. They were both past fifty by this time. Then one day, Dr. Gonzalo called Tonio inside the lab. Here, the scientist asked him a very serious question: a question that would change his destiny.

The machine seemed to be finished although there was one final step that was needed to be done. It needs to be tested on a human to see if it works. Being the prototype that it was, there were no guarantees on the consequences posted. There was also no assurance on the safety of the subject. The machine Dr. Gonzalo had spent countless moments with is a time machine. It is now finished with the final step waiting.

Dr. Gonzalo explained all of this to the now ageing Tonio. He asked Tonio what his biggest dream was and how he could make it possible to come true. Tonio had flashbacks of his youth. Thinking that finally he would be able to cheat the miserable life he had, he agreed that he would test the machine with himself if the scientist would help him device a plan that would eventually make him rich.

Tonio reasoned that since they were both old, they could not be held liable to any consequence the disturbance of the time frame might produce. They also reasoned that they were dying and the risk Tonio would take would be little as compared to this amazing discovery.

Both of them then worked on the plan. Tonio was to be transported back to the time when he was still twenty-four. There, he must observe himself for one day to find out if the machine had really transported him back in time. Dr. Gonzalo provided a cash check, written on an old checkbook, worth one million pesos. Tonio was to slip this check to his past-self. Tonio's dream would finally come true.

By the third day, Tonio must go to the park inside the city and sit beside a bench to wait for a blue light. This would be his gate to come back home to his own time. The plan was as simple as that. The bargain included the money that Tonio knew he wouldn't enjoy, but his other self would. And this bothered him. Because of this, he made a plan of his own.

When the day of the plan arrived, Tonio went to the lab dressed in a fine suit Dr. Gonzalo gave him. After wishing each other luck and hugging like old friends do, Tonio went inside the machine. There he sat and waited. A few minutes later, a blue light appeared. He felt strange sensations swimming across his body. He felt he was being deformed.

After what seemed to be like an eternity, Tonio woke-up. He was at the park where Dr. Gonzalo told him where he would be. Scrambling to get-up, he brushed the dirt from his suit and started to walk towards the office he used to work at, exactly twenty-eight years in the past. It was early morning, about six-thirty.

SONNET ATTEMPT

(para sa 'yo. kilala mo kung sino ka)

Ask not my heart for I would not forgot
The light in your eyes, the world you let me see
When the day sleeps remember me not
Where on the road have lead you to me.
Who can say what the heart does speak
As we count the moments of our everyday
For life is a mystery we seek
One can pray and yet run away.
Like the wind passing by my window
Or the ceiling I stare at before I sleep
Not all that is left would be my shadow
And the memories I would forever keep.
Weep not for you should know
On each passing time, how much I love you so.

QUESTION NO. 3

What do you think is the perfect Valentine's Day gift?

TONIO AND THE BLUE LIGHT

Entry No. 2

When he was around 16-years old, he decided to step outside the orphanage. Being used to the hardships of life, Tonio entered odd jobs from being a janitor to messenger to a newspaper vendor. Being taught the religious ways, he did not engage in any illegal activities though he gambled a little. He was desperate. He wanted a better life when he discovered the lottery.

Playing the lottery provided him more than just a chance to win. For him, it also gave him a sense of freedom to dream. Like what would he do if he won this amount? He would spend countless hours daydreaming of that day. He wanted so much in life. He figured that he could get these things if he had money.

Tonio met a young girl at one of the offices he had worked for. He quickly fell in love with her, though knowing that it would be next to impossible for her to take his love seriously. He started courting the girl by leaving flowers at her desk every morning; much to her pleasant surprise. He would also try to write love letters though the grammar is not that good. He was content with just doing these things. But one day, the girl found out who he really was. He was turned down right away. The boss, fearing that he might do something stupid like stalk the young girl, fired him at once.

And this was not the first time he was turned down. In fact, it was a series of heartbreaks that almost made him crazy.

Then there was Sonia.

Sonia gave him hope that he is capable of loving and being loved. She was different from the rest of the girls she knew. She works at the place where Tonio was the janitor. It may sound unbelievable but she accepted Tonio for what he was. In fact, she did more than that. She reciprocated the love he gave her. For Tonio, it was the happiest moment of his life. With this feeling at hand, he believed that nothing could go wrong.

But this is not so.

After more than three months of a rather blissful relationship, Sonia was sent by her parents abroad refusing to accept Tonio. He was poor. They said that he was not worthy of the love Sonia would give. He was poor. They said that their daughter has no future being with him. He was poor.

They simply couldn't accept him.

TONIO AND THE BLUE LIGHT

Entry No. 1

Tonio would do anything to get himself out of poverty. In the place where he grew-up, orphanages are almost non-existent. In fact, the reason why he grew-up in one was because he admitted himself there. When his father died because of tuberculosis, he and his mother had to live with their relatives. Shortly thereafter, her mother also died on what appears to be deep remorse. His aunt was reluctant to take him having six children of her own. So, it was agreed upon that he would be passed year to year to the different relatives of his mother. As far as he could remember, it felt like hell.

One of her aunts would make her work at a bakery even though he was barely seven years old. He would wake-up even before the sun sets in. He could not attend school. He was often transferred from place to place; his relatives passing him like a ball unaware of the deep scars they have embedded within him.

One of his relatives would shout curses at him for making the slightest mistake. They would often say that it is better to keep a pig than someone like him. Then there was an uncle who would make him beg for alms. The earnings he would make would be used to buy alcoholic drinks instead of the things he badly needed. At the young age he was in, he knew that something was wrong. With nothing to lose, he decided to run away.

The first few months was a nightmare for as long as he can remember. Things have finally changed when he saw an orphanage. He asked the nuns to take him in and he explained why. With the drab clothes he had, it was not hard to believe him. They accepted him on the condition that he would help take care of the much smaller kids. And so he stayed. Frankly, it was not that different from his life with his relatives. The only difference is that on the orphanage, he learned how to read and write, as well as the other basic things.

He worked hard to earn his keep though deep inside Tonio's little heart, there was nothing more than his wish to become rich. He would often see wealthy people donate something for the orphanage. He would stare in awe on how these people dress well, how civilized they act, and how they seem to have so much that they can still give to others large amounts of money. He envied them. Even in his prayers, he would ask God for him to become rich.

But Tonio also wanted more. He wanted to become rich more than anyone else, because he saw that money was the only way he could be free.