Feb 25, 2003

Feb 17, 2003

TONIO AND THE BLUE LIGHT

Last Entry


The young Tonio was dressing up for work when he arrived. He explained that he has no more home to go to and asked if he would take him. His past-self agreed. And so it was settled. He was to live there for the rest of his remaining life.

The young Tonio later quit his job and had his own home built. After a year, he got married, settled down, and introduced the future Tonio as a long lost uncle.

The first year was a bliss. However after a few short years later, he found out that the girl he longed to marry before was not the angel she seemed. Often, he would see his past-self and Sonia arguing about money. The young Tonio, having had no education, could not find a job to maintain their status. They were losing more money than they were earning. He decided it was time to open the second envelope.

One morning, after a heated argument between the couple, he called young Tonio and encouraged him to buy lottery tickets. He said he was sure to win. Inside the envelope were three consecutive winning numbers that he copied from the library from the future. His young-self obliged. True to his words, they won. Now, they were richer than ever. But just like anyone who couldn't understand their own human nature, he did not expect the turn of events that he would forever curse.

The young Tonio first entertained the idea of putting him on a home for the aged as suggested by his wife. He had to admit that he was getting weaker all the time and had needed much more attention than before. They also left him with just a nurse when the family decided to go on a vacation abroad.

Tonio did not anticipate the deep hatred he had for his relatives. When he was a child, he blamed everyone for the death of his parents. He had to swallow that bitter pill called reality on an everyday basis. He could no longer enjoy the money they have since he was bitter; things are't just worth the way he wanted to.

He felt the treatment given to him was unfair. After all, he was the one responsible for the family's wealth. When the young Tonio came back, he decided to tell his past-self the truth.

The young Tonio, probably blinded by wealth or was it the innate greediness in him that he himself did not know, thought of his future-self as crazy, completely nuts.They simply wouldn't believe his story. He reasoned the lottery tickets as proof, young Tonio said it was just luck, a form of repayment for the harm done to his parents. Trying to convince his past-self over and over again, young Tonio got fed up.

Sonia and young Tonio decided to send him to a mental institution.

It was on a cold December morning when it was finalized. Tonio is no longer fit to stay at their home.

And what is the future Tonio to do? No one would believe his story and no one knows the truth. For them, there was no such thing such as a time machine. He was locked in a mental hospital. He himself even started believing that he was crazy. He never expected any of this to happen but it did. He could only explain that fate had played dirty tricks on him.

One night, in his cell, he shouted, "The tragedy of my life is nothing more than just a malicious joke from someone who created my existence."

He cried all night. In order to pacify him, he was permitted to roam the corridors. The next day, he was found dead, electrocuted while touching the bulb of a blue Christmas light.

Feb 16, 2003

TONIO AND THE BLUE LIGHT

Entry No. 4


"Right on schedule," he thought. This is the time when his past-self would come scrambling in the office to start his chores. He remembered clearly the lack of sleep he had during those days. After selling newspapers, he would then become a janitor.

"Stupid boy," he thought. "Doesn't he know that all the things he worked so hard for would be gone in an instant?"

"What took him nearly ten years to save would be gone in a matter of seconds," he sighed.

While waiting for his past-self, Tonio begun to imagine the endless possibilities and opportunities that he can offer himself on that instant. Clutching the check inside the suit, he also checked the envelope he brought from the future. It took him a hard time to get what's inside that packet. He had to enter the city library, checking out old archives of newspapers.

Standing outside the door of the building, he couldn't help but reminisce on the moments of his life. Up to now, he still remembers Sonia. He can still recall her small lips, soft eyelashes, and eyes that spoke. Everything about her was beautiful. For the first time in years, he again felt the pain brought about by a love that never transpired.

Tonio managed not to say hi to the guard whom was his friend in the past. "He was such a nice man," he thought.

The guard was about twenty years older then him then. But looking at him right now, it felt funny seeing that he is himself is older than the guard. A few moments later, he saw himself walk in. Would the Tonio of the past recognize him, he thought. Maybe not. His right leg was limping and he had grown accustomed to wearing a beard. The white on his hair was quite evident and the sparkle in his eyes were now gone.

He stared at himself when he was young. He couldn't believe how time changes a man. The energy emanating from his past-self and the eagerness to pursue a dream was what he saw in him. If he did not know what would happen, he might have felt proud.

Tonio watched his young-self enter the building, say hi to the guard, and then run for the stairs. He felt compelled to say to his past-self not to run because someone left a ballpoint at the stairs where he would eventually slip. And the young Tonio did. He now remembered quite clearly that that was where he got his scar on the left side of the cheek.

Yes, he said to himself. This is all true. This is not just a dream. Dr. Gonzalo's time machine works. He was in the past. He could see himself. He could touch his youngTonio if he wanted to. For once in his life, he also felt he had control.

He decided to stroll the city for a few hours. He ate a restaurant he couldn't afford before. Dr. Gonzalo had indeed planned everything. He had stacks of old cash which he would later give to his past-self as well as with the check. He went to the mall and actually bought something. He went to most places he failed to see when he was young because he had no money. He felt free.

When it was almost seven o' clock in the evening, Tonio decided to go to the town plaza to see himself sell cigarettes and stuff. He sat near the waiting shed where he knew he would have a better view of his younger-self. A few minutes later, young Tonio arrived.

It's the same routinely things he did. Looking at himself working like a horse and thinking of the latter past of his life, he felt pity for himself. He almost cried if not for the people around him. The pain of the past kept springing-up and the ache he went through crept like a cold wind covering his body. Again, flashes from the past, his childhood, the orphanage, and up to the day he had an accident flooded him. He got up, went to the nearest hotel and felt his tear drop during the rest of the night.

"Tomorrow would be different," he promised.

After a restless night, Tonio decided that it was time to change his past. Today would be the day where he and his past life would finally reach their dreams. It was time to get the comforts out of life. It was also the time to change history.

Putting on the clothes he bought yesterday, he made his way through the same office building he first visited. He had a plan cooked up. He would tell his past-self that he was a long lost relative and that the purpose of his visit was to make up for the cruelty endowed him by his relatives. He would also give him the check worth a million pesos and do more than that. He would also give him the second envelope if chance would permit.

It was not that hard to do. He found himself curios and courteous at the same time. His past-self agreed to meet with him during the morning break. They went to a restaurant and told his past-self to order whatever it was that he wanted. He also showed him the check.

They later went to a bank. The disbelief in his young-self turned into deep gratitude. Tonio told young Tonio that he could do anything with the money. He also told him that he might want to get married and this would solve the issue regarding finance. He advised that he must at least learn some trade and encouraged young Tonio to study. In short, he told him everything he dreamt of when he was young.

The young Tonio, somewhat still bewildered by the events that transpired, offered him to stay. He said he'd take care of him and they could both enjoy the luxuries of life. He said he'd think about it and went back to the hotel.

It was another sleepless night. The offer made was a hard one to resist. After thinking that he'd go back to the same state he left in the future, he was really torn between going back where he'll forever remain poor. By the time the sun was setting, he went to the park to witness the blue light. It was his gate back to his own time.

At the park, he stared at the tree beside him while waiting. Then suddenly, a blue light appeared from nowhere. It was time.

As he was about to enter the portal, Tonio saw a bum not that far away. He was dressed in the same clothes that he had only it's too dirty. The bum looked like him. Suddenly, he was afraid. What if what he was seeing was his future? Would this be the same fate he would have? Maybe it was more than the fear of being left out in the streets, or the thought of forever enduring poverty that he stepped back. Tonio ran to the place where young Tonio lived. He forever missed the chance to go back to his own time.

Feb 15, 2003

QUESTION NO. 4

Define reality. . . . .
TONIO AND THE BLUE LIGHT

Entry No. 3


Because of the incidents, Tonio was more determined than ever to succeed. He took poverty as a curse that he must break free from. He worked doubly hard.

At four, he would have already waken-up to distribute newspapers at stalls. By six, he would walk to the office where he worked as a messenger and as a janitor. He would also sell candies and cigarettes at the basement floor to to augment his income. By 5 pm, he would then be selling aside, from candies, balut, penoy, and other native delicacies. On Saturdays and Sundays, he would take out garbage for the rich, act as a gardener, or take any odd jobs that he might find. By the time he was thirty, he had saved a decent amount of money to start a small sari-sari store that he thought his future wife could manage. Somehow, he felt secure.

However, whether it was fate that played dirty tricks on him or it really was a curse sent out to haunt him, his simple dream was extinguished in an instant. Selling cigarettes and balut and penoy one night, basket at hand, he did not notice a speeding car as he was about to cross a street. It him hard on the right leg. It almost crippled him. It was a beautiful luxury car, one that Tonio dreamt of owning one day. Luckily, someone saw the incident and rushed him to the hospital. It was Dr. Gonzalo, a scientist that would help him change his life forever.

Dr. Gonzalo did more than just save Tonio's life. His right leg was almost crushed. He now needs a splint for support to help him walk. The money he saved wasn't even enough to cover all the hospital bills. He was thirty, finding another job with his condition would prove to be very difficult.

Dr. Gonzalo came to the rescue. He offered Tonio a job doing household chores. He also shouldered the rest of the bills that he needed to pay.

The good doctor lived in a mansion beyond the outskirts of the city. Tonio later found out that Dr. Gonzalo was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He also learned that he was not a medical doctor but a physicist. On his house he has a lab, which he seemed to work on night and day. Inherently an academician, Dr. Gonzalo had devoted his life researching and discovering. Being super rich, he did not have to work at all. Plus, there were grants coming from different institutions that enabled him to work freely. Night and day, Tonio would hear weird noises coming from the lab.

Knowing very well his situation in life, Tonio tried to return the kindness the scientist have shown him. He served him loyally, making sure that his meals were hot, that his home was well kept, and that he was at his disposal if ever he needed him. A friendship found on servant and master was soon formed. Tonio was allowed to live with the doctor and was trusted with some of the secrets of the house.

During midnight, when Tonio would bring food to the lab, they were able to talk mostly about each other's lives. Most of the time, the scientist would tell him about the wonderful machine that he was working on. It was also on one of these talks that the scientist found out about the famished past he had, the way he worked hard to reach his dream, then falling over and over back again to poverty. He also told him about his being a volunteer orphan. When asked by Dr. Gonzalo what his greatest dream was, he said that it was to become rich. No matter what Tonio did, he could not help but entertain the thought of being more than well to do.

For almost twenty years, this has been the life of the two. The scientist devoted his life building this mysterious machine while Tonio served him faithfully. They were both past fifty by this time. Then one day, Dr. Gonzalo called Tonio inside the lab. Here, the scientist asked him a very serious question: a question that would change his destiny.

The machine seemed to be finished although there was one final step that was needed to be done. It needs to be tested on a human to see if it works. Being the prototype that it was, there were no guarantees on the consequences posted. There was also no assurance on the safety of the subject. The machine Dr. Gonzalo had spent countless moments with is a time machine. It is now finished with the final step waiting.

Dr. Gonzalo explained all of this to the now ageing Tonio. He asked Tonio what his biggest dream was and how he could make it possible to come true. Tonio had flashbacks of his youth. Thinking that finally he would be able to cheat the miserable life he had, he agreed that he would test the machine with himself if the scientist would help him device a plan that would eventually make him rich.

Tonio reasoned that since they were both old, they could not be held liable to any consequence the disturbance of the time frame might produce. They also reasoned that they were dying and the risk Tonio would take would be little as compared to this amazing discovery.

Both of them then worked on the plan. Tonio was to be transported back to the time when he was still twenty-four. There, he must observe himself for one day to find out if the machine had really transported him back in time. Dr. Gonzalo provided a cash check, written on an old checkbook, worth one million pesos. Tonio was to slip this check to his past-self. Tonio's dream would finally come true.

By the third day, Tonio must go to the park inside the city and sit beside a bench to wait for a blue light. This would be his gate to come back home to his own time. The plan was as simple as that. The bargain included the money that Tonio knew he wouldn't enjoy, but his other self would. And this bothered him. Because of this, he made a plan of his own.

When the day of the plan arrived, Tonio went to the lab dressed in a fine suit Dr. Gonzalo gave him. After wishing each other luck and hugging like old friends do, Tonio went inside the machine. There he sat and waited. A few minutes later, a blue light appeared. He felt strange sensations swimming across his body. He felt he was being deformed.

After what seemed to be like an eternity, Tonio woke-up. He was at the park where Dr. Gonzalo told him where he would be. Scrambling to get-up, he brushed the dirt from his suit and started to walk towards the office he used to work at, exactly twenty-eight years in the past. It was early morning, about six-thirty.

Feb 14, 2003

SONNET ATTEMPT

(para sa 'yo. kilala mo kung sino ka)

Ask not my heart for I would not forgot
The light in your eyes, the world you let me see
When the day sleeps remember me not
Where on the road have lead you to me.
Who can say what the heart does speak
As we count the moments of our everyday
For life is a mystery we seek
One can pray and yet run away.
Like the wind passing by my window
Or the ceiling I stare at before I sleep
Not all that is left would be my shadow
And the memories I would forever keep.
Weep not for you should know
On each passing time, how much I love you so.

QUESTION NO. 3

What do you think is the perfect Valentine's Day gift?


Simbang Gabi as a tradition