Whatever!

In about an hour from now, I would be going back to school. Like a ghost that has come back to haunt me, old memories start flooding in. Though I may only see a fraction of the faces that contributed to who I am today, I can't help but be sensitive about the whole matter. For the same reason that I stepped out of the campus without a diploma, is the same reason why I'm stepping in - again.

I was never an exemplary student. I skip classes whenever I want to. I report assignments in front of the whole class tipsy and all. And I drop subjects like there is no tomorrow for the simple reason that the teacher did not sum up to my expectations. Everything was an adventure during those days. I wasn't serious enough to perceive the consequences (?). I was having a good time.

But don't get me wrong. I still have the conviction to say that I have learned more than what the four corners of a classroom could offer. Would it be superficial to say that my "free spirit" taught me the hard facts of life? Or would it be a simple form of justifying the years when I could have finished my college?

Cigarettes are like opium for those who are bored. I learned that at college. Alcohol could give you temporary courage. I learned that at college. By age or by the chemistry we spew, women are mysterious creatures waiting to be tamed. Still, I learned that at college. Cramming could be so sweet. Staying up late at night could be so addicting. Passing a test paper with only your name written is not a sign of ignorance, but could be taken as a form of a protest. While all these things I learned at college, the valuable lesson I gained is that time could never be on one's side.

And as Allan Cris (the critic from hell, an epitome of boredom) told me the other day, all we need is to think that we're just passing through. Yes, he's also enrolled - again. Unlike before when everything has to have a meaning, the only reason we need to hold on to is that we need to get that diploma. I could only snicker. At the back of my mind, I'll be waiting for him to tell me the same words before the end of the semester. That would be the day.

So I'll be going back to school again. Big deal. It's not as if I'll die. I just felt during enrollment that some people were not happy to see me. So sue me! I know my mom would be the first one to shed tears of joy when I get that diploma. All those years, I have tried to prove something for myself. No matter how uncomfortable I might feel today, I'll pass through this academic crap for those people whom I know cares.

Mark Twain said that, "I have never let schooling interfere with my education." But he was also a chain smoker. The word is this: Diploma, not education, is the reason why I'll be going back to school - even if it kills me.